You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's blow job season.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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