im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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