Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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