i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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