He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize