Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
