They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize