well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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