it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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