Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
