i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
