so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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