Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
