i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
