So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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