Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
