Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
