Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You ruined the universe
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
