how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
two words: eviction party
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
