There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Welp...herpes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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