I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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