Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
