He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think your dad took our porno
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
