so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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