a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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