I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
