Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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