Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
