you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
