It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
