get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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