Jerry, you need to find god
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
