3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
