I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
