How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
