You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
