Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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