There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
