So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
