I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
