I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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