I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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