C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
