Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
