i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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