I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
