I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
