Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize