Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize