what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
