I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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