She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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