There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
