Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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