if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
