used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
