I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
