how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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