Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
