I could make wine with my vomit
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize