Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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