fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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