He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize