Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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