So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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