Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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