Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize