rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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