He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
