it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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