I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
