I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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