we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
