But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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