sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This toilet bowl is my home.
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