i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize