I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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