I wanna bring you to show and tell
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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