the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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