I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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