She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
