fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
