Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize