I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
