I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
