Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We had sex on a dog bed..
I pour the whiskey from now on
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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