just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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